Sorry y’all haven’t heard from me in a while. I’ve been fighting demons.
Last summer was all about love for me. No really, I read All About Love by bell hooks, watched Bridgerton, and tried to write something about love, but it’s still unfinished, buried in the depths of my Google Drive. (Sorry, Blaine.) I got a million of those in there.
But THIS summer? Oh, this summer is about demons.
In fairness, my summer of love got interrupted last year. I remember sitting by the pool with friends at the house we rented on West Beach in Gulf Shores last summer. It was the last full day of our vacation, and our phones started buzzing that Old Boy had gotten shot but survived. It was a miracle of Revelations 13:3 proportions. About a week later, Biden dropped out of the race, and the rest, as they say, is history. A lot of us have been fighting beasts and demons ever since.
This summer has looked a little different for me. For one, I’ve been taking online classes for my Ph.D. program, and my studies this summer have led me to think about my students’ mental health and my own. You see, we all fight demons.
And maybe I was on to something in my summer of love, because love is a great weapon against demons. We went to the beach again this year, this time staying at the gorgeous Kiva Dunes resort in Fort Morgan. I sat at the poolside beach bar watching the kids play, drinking rum and singing along with Jimmy Buffett deep cuts on the radio while looking out at the Gulf of Mexico. As someone who spent my formative years on the Florida and Alabama Gulf Coasts, I’m an unrepentant beach bum. I am a pirate looking at 40. Give me oysters and (gluten free) beer for dinner every day of the year, and I’ll feel fine. I’ll feel fiiiiiiine.
Later, a guy started playing guitar. When he played “Paradise” by John Prine, an all-time favorite of mine, I scream-sang along and Venmoed him a tip, and he tossed my daughter a guitar pick. I felt like I was in paradise myself.
But “Paradise” is a song about nostalgia and the sadness of longing for a childhood place that you can’t return to. Even in paradise, the demons are still lurking. Maybe that’s why I found it so hard to relax on vacation this year. But in that moment, in the sunshine with family and friends and the right song at the right moment, I shook off the demons and let myself rest and relax. I could fight those demons another day.
One night at the beach after the little ones went to bed, my husband talked the older kids and me into watching the beginning of The Haunting of Hill House. Those who know me know that I’m not usually with the scary stuff. I like my demons shoved in the closet and under the bed, thank you very much. But as an English teacher, I felt like I needed to watch this series. Mike Flanagan’s shows are so literary, after all. I’ve watched several episodes of Fall of the House of Usher, so I figured I could handle it.
As I watched this series, sometimes with the lights on and holding my husband’s hand, I realized this isn’t just a scary show. It’s a show about grief and trauma and how we handle it. I’ve avoided horror for a long time, but this show convinced me to dip my toes into the genre. I plan to finish Fall of the House of Usher, and I’ve watched the first episode of The Haunting of Bly Manor.
You can’t fight the ghosts and demons that haunt you unless you’re willing to face them.
But who says you can’t find love and friendship and acceptance while facing demons? Like many other seven-year-olds, my daughter has been heavy into K-Pop Demon Hunters this summer.
I finally sat down and watched the move with her this week and truly enjoyed it. The soundtrack slaps, and who among us hasn’t suspected that boy bands are actually made up of demons?
Case in point.
Anyway, this movie was great, and if your kid comes home talking about demons, don’t be alarmed. Sit down and watch it with them. It will be revelatory.
Don’t get me wrong, the pop music and demon slaying is cool, but the best part of this show is how the girls in Huntrix take care of themselves and each other. Making bangers and fighting demons takes a lot out of you. It requires snacks, spa days, couch rotting, and being with the people who accept you, demons and all.
As I watched the movie, I couldn’t help but get tickled that my daughter and I were actually both consuming demon-fighting (and also demon-loving?) content this summer. In the very little free time I’ve had, I’ve been working my way through The Legendborn Cycle, an award-winning young adult fantasy trilogy.
After I read the first one for a class, I felt compelled to finish them. It’s been too long since I’ve been consumed by a YA series, and I’m enjoying this one immensely. Tracy Deonn steps in to fill a void left by a certain author who has succumbed to the demons of transphobia (and, perhaps, black mold).
At the risk of sounding like Stefon, this series has everything: Black Girl Magic, Arthurian legend, critical race theory, hot guys who are a little bit demonic, and a very respectful bisexual love triangle.
Whether it’s fascism, perimenopause, corn sweat, childhood trauma, mental illness, addiction, or people who don’t want their kids to share school supplies, we face demons every day. While we don’t all have swords or ancient magic or the ability to make the perfect song, we do have love, and that’s a big one.
As summer comes to a close, I invite you to consider facing your demons, but don’t forget to love yourself in the process. Eat some good food. Take time for self-care, even if that just looks like rotting on the couch with Netflix or a good book. Spend time with the family and friends who love you and all your flaws.
Then go get ‘em, tiger. These demons ain’t gonna fight themselves.